22 Nov “You´re going to have to fight to get what you want. You will have to be proactive and defensive.”
I pull the small fish back from the penguin. He lunges at me with his mouth open.
“Stop”, I say as I put my hand up.
The penguin jumps at me again. I toss the fish to the side. The penguin scuttles over to it and picks it up off the ground.
“You see writer”, I say as I turn my head to Bilta, “if you just go for what you want in a haphazard, reckless and aggressive manner–you may get what you want. But, it won´t the same.”
“So what should I do?”, Bilta replies as he scratches his head.
“In life? In general? What´s your question?”
“No”, he replies as he turns his head to the penguin chewing on the salmon, “like–what are you trying to say?”
“Nothing really”, I reply as I turn my head back to the penguin, “I´m just making small talk–you know… like shooting the shit or something.”
“Oh! There´s no point to what you´re saying?”
“Yeah”, I reply as I turn my head back to Bilta, “it´s just like something to do to pass the time–talk about philosophy and pyschology topics. It´s interesting to me. I´m just mostly thinking outloud about things.”
“So it´s all pointless?”
“I´m not saying that”, I reply as I look down at my feet, “I´m just saying that I have other things going on–right now, I´m just conversing.”
“So how about the weather?”, Bilta replies as he looks up at the approaching storm cloud on the horizon.
“Yeah”, I reply as I turn my head towards the sky, “it´s not really about wasting time–but not all time spent productive is obvious.”
“I like sudoku.”
“Yeah”, I reply as I turn my head back to him, “but you ever try to sell a solved sudoku puzzle–people want challenges and problems, not handouts.”
“It keeps my mind sharp.”
“Yeah. I know what you mean. I enjoy doing a puzzle–maybe there´s another way to keep your mind sharp and also produce something that is useful or helps?”
“So you talk about these to kill time or because it helps? For what?”
“Sometimes you need to hear yourself think–listen to yourself sometimes. What are you saying? Making a transcript of your thoughts and then see what you say. Do you know what you say to yourself?”
“That I´m awesome and incredibly handsome?”
“I hear you saying different things–you may think that you think something but you may think something different, really.”
“I don´t know what you mean.”
“You don´t listen to yourself–you talk to yourself. It´s like when we have these conversations–you are preoccupied with what you want to say that you don´t actively listen to yourself.”
“How can I listen to myself?”
“Like a cake?”
“Yes. A cake. That sounds fucking delicious. Make a cake and see how it goes–is it good?”
“How will that help me?”
“Yeah. I don´t think that it will. I´m just hungry.”
“So don´t make a cake?”
“You know–you got to start from somewhere.”