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Love or fear or to love fear‏ (7/5/2014)

Yo, there’s basically two emotions everything can be distilled to:

  1. Yo, is it out of love

  2. Yo, or is it out of fear

Basically, anger for example is wanting love but not receiving it – wanting to control love and being upset when you don’t get it – Yo, TRULY, LOVE, FEAR AND CONTROL REVOLVE THE UNIVERSE

Well… if you know me, you know I like to offer another option, a fresh take/perspective

Perhaps… loving fear… AKA TO BE IN LOVE WITH FEAR/THE UNKNOWN/WHAT’S OUT OF YOUR CONTROL

If you read this regular, you know my philosophy in a nutshell is simply:

Vibe with life

I.e. let go of controlling the external by creating a long term vision for yourself and being smart with different strategies to get there

For example, a job is a means, that company you want to start is a means to an end, that girl you want to marry is a means to the end

Like some Bruce Less shit – you focus too much on the means and controlling it, you lose the big picture SHIT

I could complain, I’m not making much money with this – yo like 100k internet hits but jut a little money

But, instead (ok, sometimes I complain a little), I more focus on the big picture and am building one means (that I think is best for me) to get to my BIG PICTURE/VISION/GOAL/ maybe dreams, I don’t know

I LOVE FEAR

I love not knowing the future

I LOVE THE FEELING THAT I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE (NOT DEPENDENT ON ANYONE, PERHAPS CUSTOMERS) AND IF I SINK OR SWIM IS UP TO ME

Yo, SUCCESS OR FAILURE????

My choice, yo. It’s FUCKING scary, it’s fearful to put yourself out there (to have your heart on your sleeve) AND I FUCKING LOVE IT.

So, yes, there is FEAR, like a shit load, but yo, I can swim, I can a little more each day.

Also something weird happens when you take control of your life – everything out of your control suddenly seems like, “Fuck it, whatever”, doesn’t stress me so much.

So,

  1. it’s about control, and

  2. it’s about fear, and

  3. it’s about LOVE

And we’re all wrapped up in it.

And If you think you are in control, avoiding fear, embracing love – YO, YOU ARE MISSING LIFE

I.e. this morning I went to Centro to have a quiet coffee and do some work.

Reality: first coffee shop was closed, second didn’t have internet, and my quiet morning included a parade of fire trucks down the main drag – of course, with their lights blaring!!! LOL

So I said, Fuck it, whatever, walked to another coffee shop, and along the way got a quesadilla for lunch, the Xolos (local soccer team is playing) and wrote a blog.

So Yo, I don’t know what strategies, I’ll use for the future – it’s scary as all FUCK.

And, I love it – having life (not me) out of my control.

So, yo, Fuck it, let go, vibe to this (go WITH the moment, not against) and start to LOVE FEAR – TO BE IN LOVE WITH IT.

It maybe the key to success, I don’t know, but MOTHER FUCKING REGARDLESS, IT’S FUN AS FUCK.

And, I love the fear, yo. The future may be unknown, but I’m not.


“To know others is wisdom. To know yourself is enlightenment” / Buddha or some SHIT like that!!! Yo.


Embrace curiosity and love fear. LOL!!!

Lighten up, Yo‏. (7/5/2014)

Yo, learn to have fun with life

Dude, NONE of us gets out alive HAHAHA

Dude, just take things as they come, learn to lighten up, stop complaining, stop whining about how other people are affecting you

You – yes, You – learn how to laugh at life. Something good happens: OK COOL LOL. Something bad happens: OK COOL LOL

Yo, just have faith in your future, believe you are capable without any outside help (Yo, rely on YOU, Yo)

Don’t be dependent on people, don’t stress what other people do so much

TRULY, THIS IS NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE, JUST FUCKING LIGHTEN UP

Yo, don’t give advice to people, mind your own business, and just

Let go

Take action

Accept what happens with a smile

Because, Yo

WHAT’S THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN???

YOU DIE???

PFFFF… Not that bad.

But do you actually LIVE

Yo, lighten up, and next time say FUCK IT, SURE, WHY NOT???

When, life gives you lemon’s say,

FUCK IT, OK COOL LOL

Dude, just let go, take that action that’s going to make you look at yourself and say, “Well whatever”

People will like you more, you’ll get more pussy, when you Just Let Go and Laugh at life.

Lighten up, Yo.

“I´m sorry, but I´m actually not interested in being friends”, I say as I sip my coffee. (5/9/2018)

“Why not?”, the writer replies as he sets his taza down on the table at the small cafe.

He pauses; should I say the joke?

He takes a deep breath; pauses; looks out the large bay window; turns his head back to me.

“I´m a fungi!”

I turn my head to the large bay window; to the barista; back to the writer.

“No”, I reply.

I pause.

“Yes”, I repeat to him as I pick up my taza, “you are a fun guy. I enjoy these conversations.”

“So”, he says as he sets his taza down and leans back in his chair, “did you want to talk about work assignments?”

I pause.

“Not really”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “but.. you know.. what the fuck? 5 pesos and caring gets a phone call home, but not much more.”

I pause again; take a sip of coffee; needs more sugar.

“So”, I say as I lean back in my chair, “did you see the post a couple days ago?”

“No”, he replies as he leans forward and sets his taza down.

“Yeah”, I reply, “I don´t blame you. The blog´s kinda lame.”

I pause.

“Regardless”, I say as I set the taza down, “there was a post a couple days ago–in it, there was a list of 7 writing topics.

I yawn.

“I want you to write essays for each topic, in the first person, present tense.”

I look back to the bay window; I turn my head back to the aspiring writer; this job sucks.

“So”, he replies, “there´s 7 topics–you want how many words for each topic?”

I pause; maybe, there´s some intelligence here?

“500-800 words per essay.”

“When do you need it done?”

“I don´t really care.”

“Consider it done”, the writer replies as he picks up his taza and leans back in his chair.


“So”, my wife says as she gets up from the table in the kitchen, “how was your day?”

“It was nice.”

I pause; it was really nice, actually.

“I gave the assignment to your robotcompanion, then, with the afternoon, I strolled over to the park and ate HAKIlocos as I watched the ducks swim around the pond.”

“That´s nice.”

I pause.

“I know, right!”

“What´s for dinner?”, HR asks as she turns her head to look out the kitchen window.

Isn´t it another school day?

I pause; say something or let it go?

“Hey”, I say as I lean forward and pick up a bag of papitas, “isn´t this a school day?”

She pauses; how´s he know?

“No”, she replies as she leans forward and grabs a bag of papitas, “it´s a holiday.”

Hmm…. can I trust her?

She continues talking, “check the web. It´s a holiday.”

I pull my digitaltelephone out of my pocket; I search for the planet; then, holidays.

She´s right–it is a holiday!

“Ok”, I reply as I put my device back into my pocket, “you´re right.”

As a second thought, I pull it out again.

“But are the school´s closed?”

HR looks away; she turns her head back to me.

“No”, she replies, “the school´s are not closed, instead, I got good grades and was granted an extra day of vacation for the holiday.”

“HR”, I reply as I lean back in the chair and put my hand in the bag of potato chips, “why weren´t you just honest with me?”

“Because it doesn´t really matter”, she replies as she leans forward and picks up her digitalsoda, “I think you need to learn to trust people.”

I pause; she´s right.

“It´s not about wanting it to get better; it´s that it is better, now; the present is real.” (7/25/2018)

“Oh!”, HR replies as she takes a sip of soda, “you got me a present?”

“No”, I reply as I shake my head, “I mean the present moment–you´re in it.”

“Yeah”, she replies as she sets her lata down, “of course, I´m in the present–where else could I be?”

“Your mind is not in the present–it´s wrapped up in a story.”

“Story of my life–a sad girl looks for meaning and purpose in a confused world?”

“Yeah”, I reply as I pick up my taza, “you clearly have been attaching to much to the telenovelas Humphrey Gives Headaches.”

“It´s great!”

“Yeah”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “but it´s not real–try this–

Watch it without sound and listen to something different–it will confuse your mind and keep you present.

When you do this, you are not attaching to the show, as if it was real–I don´t know if your mind is able to understand that it is different.  The moving pictures mixed with the sound, to your mind, confuse reality with fantasy or fiction. Instead, like me, I have not listened to TV, when I´m alone, in several years–instead I just watch it like I´m observing a TV show, which it is, but with a different audio soundtrack, like a digitalCD or the radio, I don´t confuse it for reality–my mind does not make the show real; I stay connected to my ACTUAL real reality; I stay present–

Whatever you do, always stay present–detach from the stories, when you are alone.

It´s not real, your mind may not understand that; it may be something that although you rationalize that it is a show–to your subconscious mind, which can´t tell the difference, and is much more powerful then your analytical mind, the story of the show becomes how you view and understand the world; it´s simply this is how reality is and the foundation upon which you view, and judge, the world; the story of the show, you need to guard yourself against–it´s entertainment, but what is real?”

“You´re a real pain in the ass when you tell these stories”, HR replies as she takes another sip of soda.

“There!”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “that is real–your family of origin and your family that you choose are real.  When you go to someone´s house, and spend time with them, in their natural settings–that is real.  When you are in public and everyone has a reputation to maintain and an image to protect, and project, that is pretend–and, not intrinsically bad–but, the way people behave in public, in the city or walking around their neighbor, are manufactured and developed through the storylines of the shows–are the telenovelas real or a reflection of life?  Really, they are a caricature of how we should experience and live life.”

“So”, HR replies as she sets her lata down, “when LupieDupie slapped her husband in the episode last week, that´s what I should do?”

“You´re on the right track”, I reply as I take a sip and set down my taza, “but because LupieDupie slapped her husband–you don´t have to.  In your mind, you, LD, slapped her husband–you, attaching to the story, slapped your husband–you view yourself as her so her actions are your actions, in your mind.  LD slapped the shit out of her husband for all of us.”

“She´s my hero”, HR replies as she looks at her hand.

“Don´t get any ideas”, I reply as I pick up my taza.

“Just once, dad?”, HR turns her head to me and pouts.

“No, Honduras”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “let go of your aggressive tendencies, towards others, and instead just watch the show–it will calm you.  But, don´t attach to the story, in your mind, that it is real–keep some distance but keep focused on it.  If you do it this way, it is a meditative exercise–it will help calm your mind to spend some time connected to reality–to observe but confuse your mind that it is purely entertainment.  Do you understand the difference between digitalnovelas and what´s happening in your life–well, your mind can´t.  Your subconcisous is on auto-pilot so you need to develop new commands for it–train it, teach it, develop it, to not attach to the story that is being told, but instead to be a slave to your reasoning, logic, intuition; it´s a good co-pilot–but, it can´t be in charge, as it has no checks on it´s behavior.  Your subconcisous mind should, instead, be a check on your conscious mind–which should guide and control you–the thinking mind.  It´s having an emergency brake where you can internatlize that–

´Hey this is not right–my intuition says that this is not a good, or the right, decision or thing to do.´

Something´s wrong–trust yourself when you say, or feel, or consider, that.  Know that LD slapping her husband created a new scenario in your mind that will help, if you let it, guide you in your behavior–this shit is all like super scientific and… like… major pyschological.  Trust your intution–let it be a check on your actions.”

“Speaking of which”, HR replies as she takes a sip of soda, “I´m going to check when the show is on next.”

“Thursday at 7pm”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “I anticipated that we would ultimately talk about the show, so this morning I checked the time of the next episode. Got to stay one step ahead of my girlstudent.”

“Ok”, she replies as she sets her lata down, “you´re strange, dad.”

“Better to be strange then a stranger; better to be in control then controlled, right?”

Everything can change, today, by starting on THAT.

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