"Relax, agresivo. I know that you are having fun but you are bigger then them, and you are scaring the lwentqs." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“Relax, agresivo. I know that you are having fun but you are bigger then them, and you are scaring the lwentqs.”

“Relax, agresivo. I know that you are having fun but you are bigger then them, and you are scaring the lwentqs.”

A small lwentq scurries away and into a bush on the side of the small river.  I turn my head back to Bilta.

“You know”, I reply as I take a bite of my ham sandwich, “it may be fun and games to you–but you are a lot bigger then a lwentq and, to them, you are scary.”

“But, I´m just joking around!”, Bilta replies as he starts to pout.

“Take it easy, agresivo”, I reply as I pick up my soda, “it may be fun–but we are supposed to be hanging out.  Relaxing. Enjoying the afternoon–also, I don´t think that it is funny?”

“You didn´t think that my impression of a digitaldinosaur attacking a city was funny?”

“Not really”, I say as I take another bite of my sandwich, “I actually don´t think that you are that funny–it´s kinda annoying actually.  I have a hard time chilling with you.  You just keep wanting to try to make me laugh–try to let it go and just take it easy.  Like… you aren´t funny.”

I pause; I take another bite of my sandwich.

“I know that you think that you are funny.  I know that your girlfriend laughs at your jokes.  But… you should know.  We are kinda getting annoyed with you.  It´s not funny the person that constantly demands attention and then wastes our time.”

“But”, he replies as he turns his head to the bush, “I´m fucking hilarious.”

“We all live a lie to find solace in the emptiness of an empty life beyond what we reveal.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don´t know”, I reply as I take a sip of soda, “it was on the back of the box of cereal this morning.  I thought it sounded kinda cool.”

“Yeah, that was epic.”

“Yeah, you know? I know.”

I take another bite of my sandwich.

I continue speaking, “you don´t have to tell me.”

“Oh, ok?”

“So like anyways… did you want to keep hiking or take a break to finish lunch?”

“I don´t want to be here.”

“I know”, I reply as I take a sip of soda, “all you do is complain.”

“I mean… the weather is hot.  You aren´t laughing to my jokes anymore.  I want to finish the report.”

“It will be there when you are done”, I reply as I put the last of the sandwich in my mouth, “haste makes waste. Just learn to stop for a moment–you have to learn how to do nothing.”

“How do I do nothing?”

“Basically, the opposite of what you are doing.  Right now, just do the opposite.”

“So stop complaining? Enjoy the weather? Stop harassing the lwentqs?”

“Yeah”, I reply as I take a gulp of soda, “I´m not a doctor–but that´s kinda what I would prescribe for you; a homeopathic cure.  Maybe we can actually start enjoying hanging out–maybe then we can be friends?”

“I want to be friends.”

“Yeah, everyone does.  Take a number.  Get in line.”

“Will you be my best friend?”

I roll my eyes; this dude is the worst.

“Will you give me a moment to think about it–see where it goes?  Right now, I just want to enjoy this adventure.  As you know, I´ve been very busy with the great penguin migration project and I finally have a moment to stop and unwind for a bit.  Don´t fuck this up for me.”

Bilta pauses; he´s right!

“I AM fucking this up for you!”, he replies as he turns his head away and back to the small bush by the river, “about that… sorry.”



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