“Well, I don´t think you should be in charge of any humans–because you´re faking, and most people aren´t faking”, I tell the waiter.

“Well, I don´t think you should be in charge of any humans–because you´re faking, and most people aren´t faking”, I tell the waiter.

“But”, he replies as his hand starts shaking and he spills the coffee, “I´m just handing you a coffee.”

“Well”, I reply as I lean forward and take the taza, “I just thought that you needed to know that.”

“That´s interesting, however”, he replies as he turns and takes a step to leave.

I pause; it is isn´t it.

“So anyways”, I say as I turn to the writer, “your last assignment was done subpar and made me look good as a human–so I´m going to keep you around and give you more work.

“Oh! Thanks!”, he replies as he shuffles in his seat, “I mean… I guess… thank you?”

“We have no time for chit chat”, I reply as I lean back and take a sip of my coffee, “let´s get to the point–shall we?”

“What do you want me to write about?”

“I have a new mystery–and you´re just the man for the job.”

He leans forward.

“I´m listening”, he says as he picks up his coffee.

“So it turns out that your 2 months of studying the mating habits of Emperor penguins has come in handy–there´s a melting glacier on Planet ODLW and we need to find a new place for the existing penguine there to live.”

“I can do that.”

“I didn´t ask you–and I haven´t said the question yet.”

“Go on.”

“Yeah, clearly, that´s what I was going to do.”

“You can tell me the question now.”

“Yes”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “clearly, I am aware that I can tell you the question now.”

“Are you ever going to say it?”

“Well”, I reply as I take another sip, “you keep interrupting me.”

“Well then–say the question.”

“I will if you stop talking.”

“I won´t say another word, then!”

“But there you go continuing to talk.”

“Ok.”

“Stop talking.”

“Ok.”

I pause; this is going nowhere quickly.

“So”, I say as I lean back in my chair, “the government has tasked me with finding a replacement planet for the penguins.”

“Ok.”

“See”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “you cut me off again–I haven´t gotten to the question.”

“Ok.”

“Stop talking.”

He pauses; am I going to get fired?

“So”, I continue speaking, “I want you to drive me to Planet LQMNS so I can see if that´s a suitable habitat for the great penguin migration.”

“So this doesn´t haven´t anything to do with my extensive knowledge of the mating habits of Emperor penguins.”

“In a roundabout way, yes.”

“Ok.”

“I want you to give me your expert opinion–because now you are an expert–on if this habitat has the prerequistes for the penguins to flourish.”

“Ok.”

“We´re leaving tomorrow.”

“Am I picking you up or are you going to get me.”

“I want you to drive so pick me up in your spacejet–I just polished the inner dashboard and don´t want your grimy hands touching it.”

“My hands aren´t grimy.”

“No”, I reply as I lean forward, “not at this moment–but after a day of penguin mating habit adventures, I suspect that they will be.”

“What does that mean?”

“Take it as you will.”

“So do I get paid for this?”

“Sure–why not?”

“Do you want me to write up anything.”

“Excellent point, writer”, I reply as I lean back and look out the window, “I also want you to write up a report that I can hand deliver to the government that is very professional and full of intellectual words about the suitability of this planet for the great migration of penguins.”

“Sounds good.”

“That´s great–I don´t care.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Don´t call me boss”, I reply as I lean forward, “think of me as your friend–call me friend.”

“Ok, friend.”

“No”, I reply as I lean back, “that sounds strange–call me boss, instead.”

“Ok, boss.”

I lean back; that has a nice ring.



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