23 Aug “Well, I don´t think you should be in charge of any humans–because you´re faking, and most people aren´t faking”, I tell the waiter.
“But”, he replies as his hand starts shaking and he spills the coffee, “I´m just handing you a coffee.”
“Well”, I reply as I lean forward and take the taza, “I just thought that you needed to know that.”
“That´s interesting, however”, he replies as he turns and takes a step to leave.
I pause; it is isn´t it.
“So anyways”, I say as I turn to the writer, “your last assignment was done subpar and made me look good as a human–so I´m going to keep you around and give you more work.“
“Oh! Thanks!”, he replies as he shuffles in his seat, “I mean… I guess… thank you?”
“We have no time for chit chat”, I reply as I lean back and take a sip of my coffee, “let´s get to the point–shall we?”
“What do you want me to write about?”
“I have a new mystery–and you´re just the man for the job.”
He leans forward.
“I´m listening”, he says as he picks up his coffee.
“So it turns out that your 2 months of studying the mating habits of Emperor penguins has come in handy–there´s a melting glacier on Planet ODLW and we need to find a new place for the existing penguine there to live.”
“I can do that.”
“I didn´t ask you–and I haven´t said the question yet.”
“Yeah, clearly, that´s what I was going to do.”
“You can tell me the question now.”
“Yes”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “clearly, I am aware that I can tell you the question now.”
“Are you ever going to say it?”
“Well”, I reply as I take another sip, “you keep interrupting me.”
“Well then–say the question.”
“I will if you stop talking.”
“I won´t say another word, then!”
“But there you go continuing to talk.”
I pause; this is going nowhere quickly.
“So”, I say as I lean back in my chair, “the government has tasked me with finding a replacement planet for the penguins.”
“See”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “you cut me off again–I haven´t gotten to the question.”
He pauses; am I going to get fired?
“So”, I continue speaking, “I want you to drive me to Planet LQMNS so I can see if that´s a suitable habitat for the great penguin migration.”
“So this doesn´t haven´t anything to do with my extensive knowledge of the mating habits of Emperor penguins.”
“In a roundabout way, yes.”
“I want you to give me your expert opinion–because now you are an expert–on if this habitat has the prerequistes for the penguins to flourish.”
“We´re leaving tomorrow.”
“Am I picking you up or are you going to get me.”
“I want you to drive so pick me up in your spacejet–I just polished the inner dashboard and don´t want your grimy hands touching it.”
“My hands aren´t grimy.”
“No”, I reply as I lean forward, “not at this moment–but after a day of penguin mating habit adventures, I suspect that they will be.”
“What does that mean?”
“Take it as you will.”
“So do I get paid for this?”
“Do you want me to write up anything.”
“Excellent point, writer”, I reply as I lean back and look out the window, “I also want you to write up a report that I can hand deliver to the government that is very professional and full of intellectual words about the suitability of this planet for the great migration of penguins.”
“That´s great–I don´t care.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
“Don´t call me boss”, I reply as I lean forward, “think of me as your friend–call me friend.”
“No”, I reply as I lean back, “that sounds strange–call me boss, instead.”
I lean back; that has a nice ring.