07 Mar “Well, Bilta, you have other people syndrome. You look for excuses instead of opportunities-you decided that you’re a loser.“
I pause; I take a sip of coffee; I set the taza in my hand back on the table; I continue speaking.
“There’s two things that you can do in life–look for evidence that you failed or keep an open mind and change your thoughts. You have said to yourself I’m a loser–I’m not like other people and you take that as a conclusion, but what if you instead used that thought as a starting point–a hypothesis in place of a concrete fact.”
“I think that I’m a winner”, Bilta replies as he picks his styrofoam cup off the small wooden table at the cafe by the beach.
“No, you don’t”, I reply as I shake my head, “you have instead lowered the bar of success so mediocrity is applauded–raise your standards on who you are and what you define as success. You may consider running for 2 minutes a success–and to some people, it is. But, that is not a challenge–you can do that easily. Instead challenge yourself with something that actually has the potential to fail–push yourself, truly, instead of taking the easy way, acheiving success in an arena that doesn’t matter, and claiming that other people are better then you. Start by first redefining what is a challenge and change how you view yourself and your capabilities. Can you try something that could fail? Can you develop an authentic sense of confidence? Can you motivate yourself internally? Can you learn to accept that you could be successful?”
“Shut the fuck up”, Bilta replies as he slams his coffee on the table.
“Aggression is a tell-tale sign of low goals and lack of self-esteem.”
“I think that I’m great!”, Bilta replies as he reaches for a napkin.
“Don’t tell me–tell you. And, if you think that is true then use it as a starting point, not a conclusion.”
I pause; I’m going to say something super dramatic and come off as super smart.
“Try this phrase–it’s something that you know but a new tool for you to use to faciliate your internal confidence growing and to question your limiting beliefs.”
I take another pause; I lean back in my chair; I continue speaking.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”, Bilta replies as he leans forward, “do you have a secret for me?”
“Probably many”, I reply as I lean forward, “but, in place of fabricating stories from poor assumptions–let it go and tell yourself “I don’t know”. It’s actually quite freeing to relax the need for always filling in the large gaps in the story with limited knowledge.”
“I think that’s smart.”
“I don’t know?”, I reply as I pick up my taza and take a sip, “you see how that works–I don’t know if it’s smart. Instead what if you try and see how it goes–that can be your challenge; that can be your way to start cultivating your internal motivation–when you don’t know, you develop curiousity.
This can be a way to develop a mindset of personal and professional growth–I don’t know so how can I find out?
Is there a way that I can find out? Check the webs? Contact a professional? Ask a trusted and experienced person? There are many ways to find answers but until you have the question, and an open mind, you won’t have interest or desire to seek the true story. I read somewhere that desire preceeds accomplishment—for success, you don’t need the answers, instead you need the desire and this comes from, I think, a place internal that can be grown. Challenge yourself.”
“I’m going to try surfing”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to look at the beach.
“No, you’re not, loser”, I reply as I turn my head to look in the same direction.
“I don’t like the way that you talk to me”, he replies as he turns his head back to me.
“Well then don’t talk to me”, I reply as I turn my head back to him.
“Is that another lesson?”, he replies as he leans back in his plastic recliner.
“Everything and nothing.”