"Clearly, You Are Not Thinking Clearly", the writer tells me as he pushes his coffee out of the way, "if you don't care about yourself--how can you care about someone else? Why don't you do something that matters? Why don't you care, Yo?" #cuidadoAF {PART 3} (1.6K) » yghm.me
8307
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-8307,single-format-standard,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode_grid_1300,footer_responsive_adv,qode-theme-ver-10.1.1,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-5.4.7,vc_responsive
 

“Clearly, You Are Not Thinking Clearly”, the writer tells me as he pushes his coffee out of the way, “if you don’t care about yourself–how can you care about someone else? Why don’t you do something that matters? Why don’t you care, Yo?” #cuidadoAF {PART 3} (1.6K)

“Clearly, You Are Not Thinking Clearly”, the writer tells me as he pushes his coffee out of the way, “if you don’t care about yourself–how can you care about someone else? Why don’t you do something that matters? Why don’t you care, Yo?” #cuidadoAF {PART 3} (1.6K)

The bird found a worm. A love story.

The writer pauses and turns his head from the notebook on the table to me, “that’s my story. I’m pitching an idea.”

“I think you should pitch that shit some other place, personally”, I tell the writer as I lean back on my stool in a packed coffeehouse, “that may get the reader’s attention-but not for much. You have anything else to add to the story?”

“How are you handling the stress of life that naturally arises as you seek to live a life more true”, I ask the writer as I pick up my coffee, “I think that’s what people want to know?”

“I’m”, the writer starts as he sets his coffee on the table.

“Stop”, I reply as he stutters to finish his sentence, “people already know–you may say something but people are aware and watching how you handle it, life, stress, challenges. What is the example that you are setting–what advice do your actions give?”

The writer leans back in his chair; takes a sip of coffee; looks left and sighs.

“I think that’s the point”, the writer, whose name I don’t know, replies, “I don’t handle it well–I look to my friends to vent; I close my eyes in hopes that it will change; I numb instead of facing it direct on.”

“People know”, I reply as I set my coffee down, “I think that’s why you just had a minor panic attack–suppressing your stress or avoiding–what would it look like if you fucking attacked that shit?”

“I never thought about that”, the writer remarks as he picks up his coffee, “what would that look like?”

“See clearly the life that you live beyond illusionary compromises that you make to facilitate yourself into a hero”, I reply, “basically cut the bullshit and accept who you are.”

I take out a cigarette from the pack and light it; taking a drag, I turn my head towards him.

“This really is drug addiction–right? I understand that and I’m at peace with it.”

Continuing, “so what about writing–is that one way to handle the stress?”

“Yes!”, the writer exclaims as he bumps his hand into his coffee and spills half of it on to the table, “whoops–but yes, writing about my problems and venting through my stories is a great idea!”

He pulls a napkin from the holder and starts wiping up the spilled coffee.

“You’re on the right track”, I remark as I take a sip of my coffee, “but instead of focusing on problems, what if you instead focused on understanding and options?”


Take Personal Responsibility For Your Life And Your Happiness

{Link http://bit.ly/2xKZ9cZ}

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

“If you own this story you get to write the ending.”

― Brené Brown

Ancient Romans understood the concept of personal responsibility.

After a Roman arch was completed, the engineer who built it had to stand underneath it when the scaffolding was removed.

While you might not get crushed by a giant arch if you make mistakes, you still have personal responsibility for your actions.

What is personal responsibility?

It is taking conscious control of your responses to the events and circumstances in your life.

You are responsible for yourself, whether you like it or not. What you do with your life and what you have done already is up to you.

“But Mike! Things happen to me that I have no control over all the time!”

Sure. And while you may not be able to control everything that happens to you, you are nevertheless responsible for how you think, act, and feel in response to those things.

Responsibility cannot be split. If you “give” someone else any of the responsibility, you take it off yourself and can use it as an excuse to slack off when the going gets rough. Do you think the engineers in ancient Rome shared responsibility for their creations?

Traditionally, we have viewed the notion of “responsibility” in a negative way; it is a matter of obligation or of having duties. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

But as I will argue, accepting personal responsibility for your life is actually quite liberating.

Benefits Of Accepting Personal Responsibility For Your Life

There may be no more impactful thing you can do for yourself than to take responsibility for your life. There are all sorts of benefits that you will realize, and I will go over the most important ones here.

Freedom

Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

― Jean-Paul Sartre

By accepting personal responsibility, you gain the freedom to create your own life, any way you want it.

When you admit to yourself that you are solely responsible for your life, you immediately recognize how much control you really do have.

Any goal that you want to achieve is within your control, and external circumstances don’t control your fate.

Personal responsibility is also the foundation for personal development in general. By acknowledging your role in the process, you give yourself the opportunity to improve.

Trust And Respect From Other People

Let’s say you make a mistake while working on a project at work. If you admit your mistake, people are more likely to believe you about other things you do. Your word has more meaning to other people when you take responsibility.

But it’s not just a matter of trust. You also earn lots of respect when you take responsibility for your actions.

It is rare for someone to willingly and without hesitation fess up for their mistakes, so when you do, you will stick out. If you develop a reputation for being the guy who accepts responsibility for his actions, people will often simply ignore the fact that you made a mistake altogether.

Fewer Negative Emotions

There are all sorts of negative emotions that come with not accepting personal responsibility.

When you blame others, you may feel anger or resentment towards that person. You will almost invariably feel guilty or ashamed.

The worst part about denying responsibility is an overall sense of powerlessness. When you feel like you don’t have control over your life, you can easily become depressed.

Roadblocks To Accepting Personal Responsibility

I wish I could say it is trivially easy to start taking responsibility for your life, but there are roadblocks that you must learn to recognize.

Each of the following is a defense mechanism employed by your mind to help protect your self-image. Taking responsibility makes you vulnerable, and your ego doesn’t like vulnerability one bit.

Blaming Others

“Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others.” 

― Confucius

When something goes wrong, do you immediately look for some external culprit?

It doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, anyways. What happened, happened. The question now is: how are you going to respond to it?

Unfortunately, all too many people fall into the trap of responding by blaming someone else for the problem. They shift their own responsibility onto someone else, and judge the other person for having failed.

It’s so easy to say, “I didn’t get the TPS reports done on time because so-and-so didn’t send me the information!”

When you blame another person, you give up control of the situation and your ego feels a little bit better. But even if it’s their fault, you are still responsible.

The fact remains that you didn’t do what you had to get done, regardless of whose fault it was. Now it’s just that much harder to move forward and respond in a productive way.

You spend your energy focusing on the wrong thing, like resenting another person, when you could use that energy to advance in your goals.

Making Excuses

“Every excuse I ever heard made perfect sense to the person who made it.”

― Dr. Daniel T. Drubin

Making excuses is similar to blaming others, except it involves blaming circumstances instead of people.

When you set new goals, you often have a sort of “backup excuse” in case you are to fail. Think about this for a minute and you’ll almost certainly notice a backup excuse for one of your goals.

For example, I want to get 1000 subscribers to this blog by the end of the year. If I fail, I already know what my excuse will be: I was busy working on other things and couldn’t work full time on this blog.

This gives me an easy way out, and I can avoid the responsibility for the failure (which hopefully doesn’t happen).

Obviously, this is an unhealthy way of thinking. Success or failure in that goal is on me and no one else, regardless of external circumstances. And by taking responsibility and recognizing this, I am more likely to take the necessary actions to succeed.

Complaining

Complaining is simply a focus on what is wrong. This will make things seem worse than they are, and can easily distract you from all the good things going on in your life.

Complaining can easily become a habit, at which point you will always see things in a negative light. And your focus is on the negative aspect of your situation, rather than what you can do to change it.

The more you complain, the easier it becomes to not take personal responsibility. “It’s too cold out, I’m so uncomfortable” becomes the norm instead of “I should put on a jacket”.

A useful technique to combat regular complaining is to reframe your thoughts.

Playing The Victim

When you blame others, make excuses, and complain enough, you may develop a victim’s mentality.

No Comments

What is your take on this, yo?

Everything can change, today, by starting on THAT.

You're going to get 24 hours today

How will you use it? Do something that matters today, yo!