Blog » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
898
bp-legacy,paged,page-template,page-template-full_width,page-template-full_width-php,page,page-id-898,paged-22,page-paged-22,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,vertical_menu_enabled,qode-title-hidden,qode_grid_1300,hide_top_bar_on_mobile_header,qode-theme-ver-10.1.1,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-5.4.7,vc_responsive,no-js

Latest Post >>

Subscribe

Get a notice when there`s a new post.

“Great job, team!”, I continue to Bilta and digital.Bilfty2.1, “now, quickly, read these big digital.books for engineers and doctors.” (6/23/2019)

“But”, Bilta replies as he sits down on the couch in my living room, “we didn’t, really, do anything, yo!”

“Thank God!”, I reply as I wipe the sweat off my brow and grab a cold soda, “for once, you just shut up and didn’t cause problems–thank you!”

“I took a couple pictures of the site walk”, digital.Bilfty2.1 responds as he grabs a bag of digital.papitas, “I’m, like, helpful and shit.”

“I don’t disagree with the, basic, premise, of your arguement–that did help.  You, also, asked a couple very poignant and interesting questions.”

I pause as I sip my soda; it’s just so cold and refreshing–this soda.

“So like”, I continue speaking as I pull my digital.telephone from my pocket.pantalones, “let me make sure that the direct.deposit has gone through–then, we’ll start preparing for the next digital.assignment.  We have been tasked with developing a new college.education program on Planet IWNQ.  We want to look at engineering and doctors programs.”

“Like PhDs or doctors that help?”

“None of them really help”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “but, no, we want to look at changing the culture towards professionals–we want people to trust science, medicine and mathematics.  There’s a reason that ethics and values matter–there’s a purpose to the way that things are done.  We want to help develop these programs in a college setting–that’s our task.  Start a couple medicine and engineering colleges.”

I take a sip of soda; it’s refreshing and shit.

“You know”, I continue speaking as I sigh and sit down on the couch, “I think that it’s bullshit–but, it pays our bills.  We leave in 0.4373839 nanoseconds.”

I turn my head to digital.Bilfty2.1.

“Grab a couple business cards from the kitchen table”, I explain as I shrug, “we should do some business development or shit while we are there.”

I look at Bilta.

“Don’t say anything–I’m going to bring a couple DJ tables so you just play some sweet ass music to get the people’s feet moving.”

“I can do that, yo!”, he replies as he smiles.

“Yeah”, I respond as I sigh, “I don’t care–just pump up the beats to get the crowd moving while we have our education meeting with the digital.community center.  We want to get people involved and excited to be a part of this project–play that song that talks about eating popcorn or something.”

“Sure thing, boss”, Bilta replies as he leans down and grabs his bookbag, “I am a professional.”

“You’re, also, an idiot but we’ll discuss that another time”, I respond as I pick up the digital.remote and turn off the TV.

I take a gulp of my soda; there’s just not enough in the world.

“So”, I continue speaking as I put on my bright green trucker hat, “you velociraptors ready to head out, yo?”

“Not really”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he sighs, “we, just, got here.”

“Life lesson: don’t get comfortable in shit”, I respond as I roll my eyes, “don’t compromise or live under your potential–let go of the easy way.”

[social_warfare]

Go to the >> Shop

“Hey, boss!”, Bilta yells as he enters the living room with the platter of food, “I cooked up all the hotdogs and there’s, some, potato.salad, yo!” (6/22/2019)

“Oh my God, Bilta”, I reply as I sigh, “you cooked up all 24 of the hotdogs from the digital.pack, yo?”

I pause; I roll my eyes; I sigh again.

“And, digital.Bilfty2.1”, I continue as I turn my head back to the digital.TV, “you put the potato.salad in a 5-gallon bucket–do you think that we are pigs?”

Bilta turns his head to Bilfty2.1.

“Yeah”, he replies as he shrugs, “I don’t know–it’s all that’s in the kitchen.”

“Yeah”, I respond as I shake my head, “it’s been difficult since she’s been gone. We’ll make do–just, grab a couple plastic.platters from the cupboard.”

I turn my head to Bilfty2.1.

“Yeah”, I explain as I shrug, “it’s fine–hotdogs, like, literally, never go bad. We’ll have food for this week–grab the ketchup and mayonaise from the digital.refrigerator.”

I turn around and walk over to the sofa in my living room. I sit down and pick up the remote off the small wooden table. Turning up the volume on the TV, I put my feet up on the coffee table.

“Hey Bilta”, I yell out as I shuffle on the couch, “put another pot of coffee in the machine–we have a lot of work to do on this next digital.mystery.  And, Bilfty2.1, hurry up with the plates–I want to eat and get back to Planet MWNO.”

Moments later, I set the digital.napkin on my platter.

“That was delicious”, I continue to the velociraptors, “you ready to head out now, yo?”

“Give me one moment”, Bilta replies as he shoves the rest of the hotdog in his mouth.

“Almost ready”, Bilfty exclaims as he chugs his cold soda, “I have been waiting on this, particular, mystery all day–I was born ready.”

“Yeah, whatever”, I reply as I sigh, “so anyways… grab your bookbag and a couple flashlights from the small dresser in the hallway–there’s a power outage and we need to do some investigation before engineering the relay switch replacement in the power factory just outside the middle of the town of QKNS.”

I sigh.

“I printed off the power diagram from the schematics from the digital.town.records, yo, last night”, Bilta explains as he picks up the roll of Arch D blueprints, “it looks like it should be an open and shut case–done in a jiffy.”

“Everyone says that”, I continue as I roll my eyes, “so, anyways, let’s just get there and we’ll do a quick walk through with the flashlights to see what actually was built–the as-builts and the reality are rarely identical.  We need to do some site work before submitting the plans for review, yo.”

“Yeah, whatever”, digital.Bilfty2.1 quips as he shrugs, “you’re the boss so whatever you say–I just want the paycheck.”

“They all do”, I reply as I roll my eyes.

I pause; I take another sip of my soda.

“So, anyways”, I continue as I stand up from the couch, “let’s fucking head out–it’s lame hanging out with you two all day.  I’ll be at the spacejet–leave your plates and we’ll clean up when we get back, yo.”

“Kirchhoff’s Law”, Bilta yells as he grabs his yellow bookbag.

“What?”, I reply as I quickly shake my head, “yeah, obviously.”

[social_warfare]

Learn more about this page >> Background

Subscribe

Get a notice when there`s a new post.

Subscribe

Get a notice when there`s a new post.

“Bilta and digital.Bilfty2.1”, I continue speaking as I pace in the living room, “I want you two to learn how to defend yourself–grab these gloves, yo. (6/21/2019)

“But”, Bilta replies as he picks up the digital.boxing.gloves off the small wooden table in my living room, “we are friends–we get along fine, yo!”

“Not from what I’ve seen”, I reply as I take a sip of my cold soda, “I want you to punch him in the face–but, do it fairly.”

I pause: I take another sip of my soda: it’s cold and very delicious.

“So… like digital.Bilfty2.1”, I continue as I turn my head to him, “I see that you have, already, put on yours and you, actually, have a mouthpiece in, also.”

I roll my eyes.

“Like”, I explain as I sigh, “did you know that we were going to do this exercise today or what?”

I turn my head to Bilta.

“And, now, Bilta, you are putting tape on yours?”, I question as I step back and look back and forth at the two velociraptors.

I turn my head to the birdfeeder in the backyard; there’s six hummingbirds and a noisey squirrel checking out the action.

“So now”, I continue speaking as I turn my head back to them, “I’m going to count to three and I want you to take off your gloves–put them back on the table and go grab the package of hotdogs from the kitchen and we’ll just have a cookout and enjoy the afternoon, yo.”

I sip my soda.

“Also, I picked up a fresh digital.box of digital.papitas so there’s snacks in the kitchen.”

I turn around and walk over to the couch: I sigh: I sit down: putting my feet up on the wooden table, I grab the remote and turn up the volume on the digital.TV.

“What are you waiting for, yo?”, I ask as I turn my head to see them staring at me, “hotdogs can’t cook themselves–get useful and get busy.”

“Um… boss?”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to digital.Bilfty2.1, “can I punch him, one time? Just a quick cheap shot to the kisser with my fast fury of five finger revenge.”

“Yeah, sure?”, I reply as I turn my head back to the TV, “but, if you look behind you, in the corner of the living room, is a small digital.video.camera that is monitored by the digital.police here in Dorinto–so they will see you commit an act of aggression.  Aggression is illegal–they will arrive in 0.83648439 nanoseconds and you’ll be banned from coming back here.”

I lean forward and grab a handful of palomitas.

“So”, I continue speaking as I pour hot sauce on the popcorn, “is it worth it? Do you want the consequences? You can, certainly, take, and do, any action that you want–but, can you handle the results?  Can you spend the money before you win the lottery? The victory speech before you go to battle?”

“I don’t think so”, Bilta replies as he takes off a glove.

“Ok”, I reply as I turn my head back to the TV, “so, also, Bilta, one more thing.”

“What’s that, boss?”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to me.

“I, just, made up the story about the digital.video.camera”, I continue speaking as I sigh, “now’s your chance, digital.Bilfty2.1, yo.”

Bilfty2.1 punches Bilta in the face.

“Keep your eye on your opponent”, I explain as I shrug.

Bilta falls backwards on to the hardwood floor in my living room.

Bilfty2.1 rubs his hand; I grab another handful of palomitas; Bilta starts crying; I chuckle.

“Amateur.”

[social_warfare]

Like us on Facebook >> Social

“I have no clue what you are talking about, Bilfty2.1”, I respond as I rub my cheek, “why did you punch me, yo? You want to go grab a, extra large, coffee?” (6/20/2019)

“It’s not that, boss”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he rubs his hand, “it’s, just, that I can–I wanted to see what it felt like to punch you in the face, yo.”

“Um… ok?”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “so you feel better? It work like you planned it?”

“Not really”, he replies as he sighs, “I had grand hopes and big aspirations but, alas, it was kinda lame.”

“Yup–it always is, yo.”

I pause; I take a sip of my soda; it’s refreshing but not as cold as five minutes ago.

“So like”, I continue speaking to Bilfty2.1, “you want to go grab a coffee, for real–like, get out of the house and hang out for a bit.  Talk about guy stuff like cars and… I don’t know… whatever the fuck that guys talk about.”

“I have a new t-shirt.”

“Please”, I respond as I shrug, “don’t mention that to me again.  But, maybe, we can talk about business and things happening in your life–like, the good, bad and useful.  Maybe, you have something going on that I can help out with–I am useful and, incredibly, handsome.”

“You’re kinda hideous”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he shake his head, “I, mean, downright horrible.”

“Yeah”, I respond as I roll my eyes, “that’s probably true, yo.”

“You’re not going to argue with me, boss?”

“It’s like asking a tree to get out of your way”, I reply as I turn my head back to the digital.TV, “just cut it down or go around it–don’t make demands that can’t be met.  Don’t ask for what can not happen or desire what doesn’t exist–change your behavior before you ask anything of someone else.  Just change you–go home and have a nice dinner.  There’s no secret–one day, one battle, one task, one moment, one punch in the face, then leave and let it go.”

I pause; sipping my soda, I turn my head to look out the window.

“Just do something–waiting or procrastining hurts yourself more then anyone else ever will.  You, simply, just are doing it to yourself–people care and love you so stop getting in your own way.  You are not the one going around the tree–you are the planted tree that doesn’t budge.  You are not the driver but… you don’t know how to move.  The, best, lesson that there is out there is this”

I sip my soda; I crush the can in my hand; throwing it at Bilfty, it hits him in the forehead.

“Respond faster and get out of the way, yo”, I respond as I turn my head back to the TV, “you only go through the door when it’s open; the window that is closed lets in no fresh air; the garage has a ton of trash that needs to be dealt with somehow.”

“Excuse me”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he turns his head to me, “I didn’t get the last one that you said–can you repeat that?”

“Nothing”, I respond as I shake my head, “it was the digital.answer to the question on the TV.”

I point to the TV.

“Love this show”, I continue speaking as I put my hands in the air in disgust, “pay attention, Bilfty2.1–you’re snoozing.”

[social_warfare]

Have a writing request >> Contact

Subscribe

Get a notice when there`s a new post.

Subscribe

Get a notice when there`s a new post.

“Relax, digital.Bilfty2.1”, Bilta calmly explains as he taps his shoulder, “do what humans, normally, do–punch him in the face, yo.” (6/19/2019)

“When should I do that, Bilta?”, he asks as he takes a deep breath, “like… normally or is this the time to use my bad timing, yo?”

“The secret”, Bilta replies as he takes his hand off his shoulder, “is to wait until he has something hot in his hand–then wham in the kisser.  So, like, tell him that you feel bad about how things went and that you want to make a coffee.  Then, when you give it to him–and his hands are full, you have the perfect opportunity for a sucker punch in the nose.”

“Will it work?”

“I have, absolutely, no clue what the fuck you are talking about”, Bilta continues talking as he rolls his eyes, “but, if you do that, I will give you 30 pesos and a 6-pack of ice cold soda. Plus, you will be a fucking legend.”

“I want to be a legend”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he turns his head to look out the window, “I want to be remembered for something more then the idiot that got locked in the bathroom.  I want to have a legacy and there be, like, songs and shit about me.”

I sigh.

“So, again”, Bilta calmly replies as he turns around, “I’m not, really, sure what you are talking about–but, don’t make this strange.  He’s our boss and we need this work–velociraptors are a dime a dozen and I ain’t going back to my shit life on Planet UDMS.”

“So punch him in the face or not, Bilta?”

“Ultimately, the revenge that you want is up to”, he replies as he sighs, “you can let it go–we can move on.  Or you can make him a coffee, yo.”

Bilta puts his hands in the air and motions with his fingers.

“You know what I mean”, Bilta continues speaking as he shakes his hands in the air, “make.him.a.coffee.yo.”

“Oh, ok?”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he shakes his head, “I’m not sure what you just said but I’m just going to let it go and, like, get back to watching digital.TV.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Bilfty2.1”, Bilta replies as he rolls his eyes, “so anyways… he should be back in a moment–are you going to be ok?  Don’t make a scene–just be cool.  Let it go–he’s just having fun and immature.  It ain’t nothing more then that, yo.”

“Ok”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he sighs, “it will be ok.”

The doorbell rings; Bilta and Bilfty look at each other.

Moments later, Bilfty2.1 opens the front door.

“Hi”, the digital.robot says, “I have a pizza for a digital.Bilty2.7.”

Bilfty rolls his eyes.

“It’s actually Bilfty2.1”, he replies as he shakes his head, “try to get my name right, ok, yo?”

The robot hands the pizza to Bilta.

“Enjoy”, the robot continues speaking as he turns around and starts walking away.

“See”, I explain as I enter the hallway behind Bilta and Bilfty2.1, “it’s, really, no big deal–now we have a mystery that we need to work on.  We have been tasked with herding the digital.wild.whales on Planet IWLS.”

I pause; I take a sip of my soda; it’s cold and refreshing as usual.

“So”, I continue talking as I grab the stack of pizzas from Bilta, “are you in or are you just going to stay there looking dumb?”

Bilfty turns his head to Bilta.

“So”, Bilta starts speaking as he shrugs, “how did you get here–we thought you would ring the doorbell.”

“I”, I reply as I sigh, “went for a short walk and stopped at the hummingbird feeder–I saw what was going on. So I order a couple pizzas to make up for my behavior.”

I pause; I take another sip of my cold soda.

“Also”, I continue speaking as I set the can on the small table in the hallway, “I wanted to find the perfect words to say.”

“Oh”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he shakes his head, “and, you did?”

“Yup”, I reply as I punch Bilfty2.1 in the face.

[social_warfare]

See more >> Archives

B L O G