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“I bet you couldn´t name 5 things about me”, I tell the writer as I recline in my chair, “yet… you keep telling people we´re friends.” (8/18/2018)

“I´ll take that bet”, he replies as he leans forward.

I pause; this is going to be painful.

“I´ll just save you the trouble”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee and turn my head to look out the window, “you are going to start with a conclusion and work the facts or evidence, data, around to support what you already think is true?”

“What do you mean?”

“I´m saying that you aren´t using the scientific process–you are starting with a concrete conclusion, an assumption, and then looking to support it.”

“How can I change that?”

“Look at starting with a hypothesis and then test it–use an open mind to collect research and then see what the conclusion is.  Start at the beginning–you can read the last page of a book and say you finished it, but there would be no emotional connection.  It would be lazy thinking.”

“How can I do unlazy thinking?”

“Start at the beginning with a hypothesis–then put together a test that you can perform to see what happens. Start somewhere and then see what happens–what is the question? What do you think will happen? What does happen?”

“That makes sense.”

“So if I ask you to name 5 things about me–where will you start?”

“I will look at my assumptions–what I think that I know.”

“Ok–that makes sense.”

“Then I will ask you a quesion and I will know.”

“You will really need to do active listening–that is a 2-way street for how you both faciliate questions and then try to understand the responses.  It will develop your sense of care–as you care more about me, you will naturally uncover the answer to my original question.”

“Do you want to start now?”

“No, but it should give you an idea on how we can move forward, right?”

“I think it´s important that we care about each other–the best way to go about this is to start to know each other.  Not on the superficial level, but on an individual level–what compromises the person? What pieces are they made up of as a whole?  What situations and experiences led them to be the person that they are?  It is lazy thinking to say that they look like me, or speak the same language as me, and so therefore, in conclusion, they are like me–I can trust them or I can be honest with them; I can let my guard down.  But, those things take time–they take getting to know someone on a deeper level, and not just on appearance.  Assumptions can be drawn–but tests and research should be done to see what is really going on.  At some point, you can start to make more accurate conclusions on how things go–but we still are too naive and too ignorant to how the world works to develop such a strong certainty in our intution.  Letting your guard down because someone looks like you, but keeping it up when they don´t, is the surest road to ruin–and the basis of lazy, wrong, thinking.”

“That´s interesting, dad”, HR replies as she turns her head to me, “so like anyways… can you pass the palomitas or are you going to hog them all for yourself?”

“Oh sorry!”, I reply as I pass her the bowl of popcorn.

“You have the hot sauce?”

“Yeah”, I reply as I hand it to her and then recline my chair, “hey… turn the volume up.  I´m tired of talking.”

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“Maybe you´re trying to get rid of the witnesses?”, I tell the writer as I lower my black sunglasses, “you want privacy for some reason?” (8/17/2018)

“I don´t know what you are talking about?”, he stammers back to me as his hand starts shaking.

“I can see it in your face”, I reply as I take a sip from my taza and set it down on the table, “you project exactly what you are.”

“I project that I´m going to punch you in the face”, he replies as he stands up.

“And I project that you are all talk”, I reply as I lean back.

I pause; he isn´t taking this well.

“Look”, I say as I lean forward, “it´s nothing personal–it´s just that I don´t like people spying on me and my family.  Why don´t you just say what you want to say? Why don´t you just be straight forward and honest? Why don´t you go to the source of your problem rather then avoiding it? You´re just prolonging the agony for you and those around you.  Look at the bigger picture and how your actions affect those around you–that should be your motivator.  Your motivation to go to therapy, and then get out; to look at a 12-step program; to develop a sense of self sufficiency that you own you; you are in charge of your life.

Until you are in position to give back financially and emotionally in your community–you´ll just be taking.

Taking people´s resources that are best left to their responsibilities–personal responsibility should first be the basis of your actions before you look outside for answers.  Are you standing on your own or leaning on too many people? Are you afraid of people seeing what you are doing? Do you have peace of mind that if your life was opened up to the public, you would be fine? Does your private life create an asset or a liability for you? Can you lay your cards on the table at the end of the game, and have peace of what people will see? You can bluff to win but a good hand beats a bluff, if played out.”

I turn my head back to the writer.

“Will people say that you care? What do people say about you? Are you the only advocate of your greatness or do other people spread how awesome you are before you get there, and after you leave?”

“You want me to leave?”

“I would prefer.”

“That´s all you had to say.”

“Oh no”, I reply as I take out the small pocket recorder, “if I did that I wouldn´t have this sweet speech for my newest post.  Thanks for role playing with me.”

“Sure!”, he replies as he sits back down at his chair.

“So I want you to write your articles that way–direct, agressive and hostile towards others.  Really punch people in the face with your writing–stun them with words then deliver a finishing blow with an arguement that they didn´t see coming.”

“That makes sense.”

“I normally do.”

“How many words do you need?”

“500 – 800.”

“When do you need it?”

“When you´re done?”

“Do I get paid?”

“I think a better question is–do I get more work next?  Is this something that is going to be reliable to continue forward?  Rather then one writing project here and there, having steady work coming in and going out will allow you to start putting together a plan for how you will, and can, live your life.”

“So I want to see what happens before making plans?”

“Start seeing what happens in your life–you can make the best plans but a pregnancy or meeting the one can change everything drastically in a moment.  It could be something like wearing the wrong sports team´s jersey in public that could make a small change–that could lead to an entirely different life; path in your life.  Small changes are all we have–and meeting the person of your dreams could start with something as innocuous as ordering a soda instead of a drink at the bar.  You never know how things will play out–keep strong by knowing the cards you are playing with in your hand.  Trust that when the cards are put down on the table, if everyone hasn´t bowed out, a good hand beats a bluff, right?”

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“Do you give back or donate anything to the community–do you do anything that matters with your greatness?” (8/16/2018)

“I tip 18% propina every time”, the writer replies as he shuffles in his seat.

“Well that´s good, I guess”, I reply as I lean back, “but what about donating your time to help someone. We are very upstanding citizens here and if you want to be on our team, we need to know that you care–through your actions.”

“Oh! I can act like I care!”

“That´s a start”, I say as I lean forward and pick up my taza, “maybe that will get the ball rolling–you want to get those balls moving towards something good.  As they say, ´the best way to succeed is to help others succeed.´¨

“Yeah”, the writer replies as he sips his coffee, “that´s cute–so where did you just go?”

“Huh?”, I reply as I sit back down at my chair at the cafe by the beach, “just the bathroom.”

“Umm… you were gone for 2 hours.”

“Ok.  Busted. I went to the local park to eat an ice cream and collect my thoughts.”

“Well I´ve been collecting dust; waiting for you to get back.  This is my 7th coffee already!”

“Oh man–you are prob not going to sleep tonight.”

“Yeah”, he replies as he slides the papers over to me on the small table, “that´s the least of the problems–look at the first draft of the report on the mating habits of emperor penguins in December on Planet ODGNE.”

I pick up the stack of papers; feels heavy… must be a lot of data. I start flipping through the pages–facts.  conclusions.  hypothesises.

“There´s sure a lot of stuff here!”

“That´s the point–I´ve collected all the observational research and I can draw some concrete conclusions but the problems is”

“You don´t know what the question is?”

“Yes”, he replies as he takes a sip of coffee, “you never gave me a question to answer.”

“Oh–you´re right!  Sorry, forgot all about that.”

“I spent 2 months on the frozen tundra watching emperorer penguins mating when I realized–why am I doing this?”

“Was it fun?”

“Not particularly”, he replies as he takes a sip of coffee and turns his head to me, “I mean I drank a fuck load of hot chocolate so that part was cool.”

“Did you enjoy the assignment–feeling like you were working for us?”

“Yeah, you know–besides having no purpose, I felt a sense of purpose.  That was cool, too.”

“So”, I reply as I take a sip from my taza and set it down, “I didn´t really have any work and didn´t know what to do, and I wanted to think about it–so I sent you on a goose chase there so that I could get some time to think about it.  But, good news–now, I have your assignment.”

He rolls his eyes; takes a sip of coffee.

“Your writing assignment”, I continue talking as I lean back, “is to do nothing.”


“Yes”, I reply as I lean forward and pick up my taza, “wait.  I want you to wait–instead of running proactive around the world looking to sell your wares and writing.  Stop–see, or more importantly, listen to what people are saying.  What are people talking about? What´s going on in the community? What needs to be done?”

“That makes no sense.”

“Wait”, I reply as I take another sip and set the taza down, “just live your life and see what naturally happens–see where in the mosaic of life on Dorinto you fit.  How do you complete the puzzle? You are the missing piece somewhere.  If you keep running around pushing your agenda, you´ll also be avoiding the obvious.  Instead, think of how you work on this planet–find your place by doing nothing.”

“It´s like the saying that muddy water clears best when not stirred.”

“Let it sit”, I reply as I take a sip and set down the coffee, “and let things settle–you´ll find your place this way.  As the pieces natually go into place, let the world use you.”

“But, I have no talents.”

“AHEM”, I reply as I lean back in the chair, “you are now the leading expert on the mating habits of emperor penguins; someone needs the data. Possibly? Maybe?”

I pause; I clear my throat.

“I mean”, I continue speaking, “it could happen. Possibly?”

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“Change your life today–I mean… not like today today, but a today, in general”, I tell the writer as I sip my coffee. (8/13/2018)

He pauses; that´s clever.

“That´s your writing assignment”, I continue speaking as I set down the taza.

“I´m not hiding–I´m avoiding. I´m avoiding drama, anger and aggressiveness. By keeping to myself, I am able to, better, focus, on myself and what I want to do.  Besides being essential to happiness, to focus on your interests, it also will lead to more success–every action or thought not in alignment with what you want drains resources; time, money, energy.  Especially energy–it will deplete your tanks quickly to lose focus on where you´re going.  Much like a car driving in a high gear through mud, spinning tires make little progress.  Steady, incremental, steps towards moving forward will put you in the best postion to succeed, in what you want.  Certainly, people won´t always be happy with you when you aren´t there, as they see or would like, you to be for them; but you have decide which is more important–them or you.  If you bring yourself up to a higher level, or plateau, you will be better equipped to handle the rigors and stresses of life.  You can bend down to pick someone up–but you can´t lower your standards to raise up someone else´s.

Two toxic people don´t make a right.”

“Well”, the therapist says as he moves in his chair, “that´s profound, or something, but it doesn´t explain why you didn´t show up to your appointment last week.”

“Oh”, I reply as I lean back in my chair in his small office, “that´s what you were talking about. I… um… got a flat tire in the spacejet.”

“Seems suspcious”, he replies as he types on his keyboard, “but I´m going to go with it–thin lies hide truths that we may not want revealed.”

“We´re like super-deep and introspective today, huh?”

“I think that time is important–we can´t waste our session on bullshit.”

I pause; I thought I brought a coffee in today.

“Hey”, I ask as I lean forward, “I thought I had a coffee–there a cafe around?”

“Second floor; last door in the right.”

I get up; I leave the office; I take the digitalelevator to the 2nd floor; I turn left; I walk down the hall; I get a coffee; I turn around and go back to the office; I sit back down in my chair.

“Thanks!”, I say as I take a sip, “that´s much better.”

“That´s good”, he replies as he hits save on his computer, “but now our session is over.  See you next Tuesday.”

“Why didn´t you tell me that our time was almost over?”

“Because you had to find out for yourself. Life is a natural progression to develop your sense of self and worth.  You have to do it on your own–I gave you space to grow.”

“Um ok?”, I reply as I get up from the chair, “thanks.  I guess?”

“I think that you´re like a professional victim.”

I set my taza down; I hate these HAKI interventions.

“I don´t have a problem”, my wife replies as she slams her coffee on the kitchen table.

I pause; this one isn´t going to be easy.

“I think that you need to consider how your actions are effecing everyone around you”, I saw as I pick up my taza and take a sip, “considering the big picture–is an honest assesement of the consequences of your actions and the reputation that you are building.  Every action that you do creates a ripple to those around you–you are throwing pebbles into the lake of your life.  What is the resultant of your actions?”

“Well I mean”, she replies as she picks up her coffee and takes a sip, “I mean it was just once that I didn´t pick up HR from her after school event.”

“Are you sure?”, I reply as I turn my head to look out the window and then back to her, “I think there is a pattern–I think that is what we are talking about.  One incident doesn´t make always; and vice-versa; one moment of care doesn´t make you a caring person or change your reputation–these things take time.  You may never be able to recover your reputation–it may be a stink that follows you though your life.  It may go where you aren´t and be there already when you arrive.  You may have to consider not going back to school after you threw the full cup of coffee at the school mascot and shouted political obscenities out the window of your car.”

She pauses; I think I fucked up big time on this one.

“So how do you think that we should handle it?”, she asks as she leans back in her chair.

“Let it go–the need to control how you perceive people see you.  Let go of your need for a reputation–let go of your need to control and attach to the opinions of others.  People pleasing is the first sign of fake behavior; double-down on your family that you choose–us.  Create a stable foundation of support with me and HR; that will give you the power and control to weather the storms that life throws at you.  Stick to your family, and you´ll prob be better off in life–but if you mistreat us or embarass us again?”

“I love you.”

“Obviously”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “but you have other concerns at the moment–what is going on in your families life.  Spend some time with us and see how we are–awareness of your family through the lens of direct observation.  Stop looking at what we are creating or projecting through the digitalwebs–instead see how we are directly–assertive behavior to what you want.  Doubtful that the people at the school, are really the audience that you want to support you–internal strife is best handled in-house.  Don´t let them see you sweat.”

“Am I sweating?”

“A bit.”

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“It takes a long time to get used to feeling good–to that be your default, go-to, existance. Feeling good is a change.” (8/13/2018)

I continue speaking to the writer as I take a sip of coffee.

“You´re prob used to feeling bad–that´s what you know and what you fall back on.”

“I don´t think so?”

“If you are not used to feeling good–how can you know?”

“Maybe I am confused–what´s it mean to feel good?”

“It means you stop eating when you want; it means you stop judging or criticising and let go of others; it means you don´t cling or attach to pleasure; it means you can appreciate a cool breeze on your sweaty body; it means that you can enjoy–just being.”

“I´m being able to start understanding you.”

“It means you have peace with the present moment without needing anything, specifically.  I mean if you are hungry, you want to eat; if you are tired, you want to sleep; but, you have control over it, and your brain; your actions are a byproduct of consciencious effort, not reactive; you do what you want–but, you don´t need to control others or anything; you are fine with how things are. Make sense?”

“Kinda”, the writer replies as he turns his head to look out the window, “rather then view myself as lacking, something, I am content.”

“Yeah”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “I think that´s a good way to say it–you are content with what happened, what is happening, and what you, reasonably, feel will happen in the future.”

“It´s just nothing.”

“I can see that–like you aren´t in pain or in bliss.  Grounded in the moment, you doesn´t exist–just what is around you and what is happening.  You are attaching to your physical existance–it is the opposite of living a life on the digitalwebs.  It is being in touch with your neighbors, your environment and you.  How do you feel, right now?”

“I´m hungry.”

“That is an attachment–instead of thinking or existing in hunger, let go and order food or let your actions free to do what you want.  You are the boss of you, but no one else; you are the master of you, but no one else; you are you, but no one else; you don´t live through anyone so you don´t feel emotions such as jealousy, anger, envy, hatred or desire.  Instead, when you see someone´s face, you see your own.”

“I see my face on others?”

“They are you.”



“That guy over there?”, the writer asks as he points to a hunched over man on a digitaltelephone in the corner.

“Yes”, I reply as I turn my head back to the writer, “that is you but with an internet addiction–do you understand that? Can you see that? His face is your face.”

“That doesn´t make sense.”

“Keep letting go of who are you to instead be who you could be–it is far more powerful to be the collective, then the individual.”

“Who am I?”

“That´s a good question”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “who is your partner–everyone has a partner.  Everyone has a significant other–male or female.  The person that creates your sense of we. When you say, ´we do this or we do that´, to whom are you referring to. Become and develop into a we, not an I. You probably already have a person that you rely on weither implicitly or directly that forms that basis of who you are.  Consider all aspects of your life, including your writing career, and have them be your partner, more, officially–consider that your life partner is your strongest partner in life.  It sounds redundant, but really consider it.  The stronger the bond with your other; the stronger you are as a person.  Take time to view it as a business partner arragement; you may make the money writing, but they may support you in a way that allows you to reach a new level; a plateau that you both get, collectively, to together; you take each other, respectively, to new heights.”

“I have a cat.”

“Consider a bipod. A human.”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“She is your biggest asset.”

“She is my biggest pain in the asset, if you know what I mean.”

“Division amongst the ranks will only lead to failure–be strong together.”

“That makes sense.”

“Yeah”, I reply as I take another sip and set down my taza, “I don´t care–but anyways, you ready for an awesome assignment this time?”

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