09 Jul “You´re going to have a really hard time driving, if you are staring in your rearview mirror”, I tell HR.
“I know, dad”, she replies as she adjusts it, “there we go–that´s perfect.”
I pause; father-daughter day.
“So”, I reply as I reach over for the palomitas, “where are we going today?”
She pauses; should I tell him about my grades?
“I thought we would go to the panaderia to get some fresh baked rolls”, she says as she shifts the clutch into drive.
“Sounds nice”, I reply as I recline the seat.
Moments later, I´m asleep; we arrive; I buy a small slice of carrot cake; she buys that roll that is filled with cheese and jalapenos–it looks good but I pass on them today; I eat my carrot cake; she eats her food; we talk about her grades; she tells me that she is ready for the summer; I tell her that the secret to life is a strong girl wolffamily; she asks what that means–I explain how you need to have parents and siblings with badass tendencies; she says that I´m cool; I tell her that I have my moments; I spill carrot cake on my jeans.
“You know”, I reply as I reach over for the napkins, “I do this everytime.”
“You can dress up a goat”, she replies as she hands me one, “but you can´t take it to prom–´cause you know… it´s a domesticated animal, not a life partner. Ovii.”
I roll my eyes.
“Where are you learning these idioms”, I ask as I put the napkins in the trashreceptor.
“There´s this website from the Earth logs that has a bunch of different scenarios and idiomatic responses–call and answer situations–from there, I have been changing how I talk.”
“It actually is helping out”, she says as she reclines her chair and turns up the radio.
This song is pretty good.
If you want it…
“Yeah”, I say as I roll down the window in the spacejet, “it´s ok.”
I pause; I take another bite of carrot cake; I spill my coffee again on my jeans.
“You would think it was intentional”, I tell her as I shake my head, “but no… it´s just what I do.”
HR sighs; she hands me another napkin.
“You may want to give me another one”, I say as I wipe up the mess, “it´s not a question of if–but when. And the answer is probably in 5 minutes.”
HR hands me another napkin; I open the glove box and set it in; I close it; I reach over for another handful of palomitas; I accidently knock over my coffee; it spills on me, the car, and HR.
I pause; I sigh; I open the glove box; I take out the napkin; I hand it to her.
“Guess I´m an overachiever today.”
She sighs; she wipes up the mess; she places the napkin in the trashreceptor.
“You know”, she says as she rolls down her window and takes out a cigarette from her pack, “these memories are what I miss the most.”
She hits pause on her phone; the digitalsimulation stops; I pause in my seat in the spacejet; she thumbs through the settings; she turns off the program; I stop being digitallyhologrammed into the spacejet; she turns her head to look out the window; she lights up the cigarette; taking a drag, she reaches over for her coffee–it´s going to be a long day. She leans back in her seat and turns her head to look out the window; slowly exhaling; she turns up the music on the radio; these conversation kill, the singer sings; she quietly repeats the words and taps her finger on the steering wheel; let me just get through today, she thinks to her self; she repeats the message, the mantra, to herself, again; she flicks the cigarette butt out the window; turns her head to look over to the empty seat in the spacejet; she turns her head forward; puts the vehicle into drive; looks in the rearview mirror; looks good, she thinks to her self as the spacejet slowly starts to lift up off the ground. Moments later, she arrives at her dorm; hello dorm. She parks the spacejet; she turns down the radio; she opens the door. Her roommate asks where she was? She says that I went for a smoke. Her roommate says there´s a party this weekend. HR sighs; do what I have to do to get by until, I can move on.
You can´t stay in control of how you move forward, if you are staring in your rearview mirror.
“Let it go; move forward”, she repeats to herself, “the taza is already broken. And all the king´s horses, can´t change that fact.”