03 Feb Give Me Space To Give You Space (So We Can Grow)
I looked at the computer and his response, and I froze. I had said not to make an event with alcohol. I told him that it wasn’t what the group was about. But, that’s exactly what happened. There on the calendar was an event to go drinking that had happened yesterday. And, so I wrote him and asked, “what do you think I should do?”
And here in front of me was his response. Defensive, questioning, and being blatantly against what I had said.
And, so now I have to deal with this situation. Besides using the group for personal reasons and going against what I had said, now I have to deal with an email… and how to respond?
I looked at the computer and started typing, “I’m sorry but I told you not to make events for the group with alcohol. I told you not to make events without asking me. I made it clear that I was in charge.” But, in that moment, I didn’t feel in charge.
I felt that I had lost my power.
And, that’s why I did nothing.
I thought of ten million ways to write back, even started typing, but decided, “cooler heads will prevail.” And, so I closer the computer and called a friend, “are you busy? want to get together. I just got to get out of the house.”
And, I left my house, with things left unsaid. Feeling angry at being disrespected, betrayed. And, I know I can’t respond from a place of anger, shouting obscenities or being curse in order to regain control – because what kind of control do you have when you’re angry?
And, also, I wanted him to think about it. I wanted to see if after thinking about the incident he would write more, or just kind leave the whole situation hanging, and unfinished.
I drove to my friend’s house with this situation going through my mind… “do I remove him from the group? This will probably happen again? Does he know that this is a business?”
I didn’t say anything about the situation during our dinner and afterwards when we watched old X-Files episodes (somehow these old episodes make EVERYTHING better, man).
The next morning, I woke up and saw that there was a new email message in my Gmail from him.
It simply said, “Here’s my phone number”.
Before responding in the moment, let things sink in – give it 24 hours to think about things.
Give the other person a space to grow by giving them space.
I’m all about taking action, but not out of anger – let it cool and let it go.
I block people on Facebook, I erase comments others leave, and I don’t answer emails out of anger – I don’t do it for me; it’s about giving people room to grow and stopping them from when they are out of control, or not thinking clearly.