He pauses; that´s clever.
“That´s your writing assignment”, I continue speaking as I set down the taza.
“I´m not hiding–I´m avoiding. I´m avoiding drama, anger and aggressiveness. By keeping to myself, I am able to, better, focus, on myself and what I want to do. Besides being essential to happiness, to focus on your interests, it also will lead to more success–every action or thought not in alignment with what you want drains resources; time, money, energy. Especially energy–it will deplete your tanks quickly to lose focus on where you´re going. Much like a car driving in a high gear through mud, spinning tires make little progress. Steady, incremental, steps towards moving forward will put you in the best postion to succeed, in what you want. Certainly, people won´t always be happy with you when you aren´t there, as they see or would like, you to be for them; but you have decide which is more important–them or you. If you bring yourself up to a higher level, or plateau, you will be better equipped to handle the rigors and stresses of life. You can bend down to pick someone up–but you can´t lower your standards to raise up someone else´s.
Two toxic people don´t make a right.”
“Well”, the therapist says as he moves in his chair, “that´s profound, or something, but it doesn´t explain why you didn´t show up to your appointment last week.”
“Oh”, I reply as I lean back in my chair in his small office, “that´s what you were talking about. I… um… got a flat tire in the spacejet.”
“Seems suspcious”, he replies as he types on his keyboard, “but I´m going to go with it–thin lies hide truths that we may not want revealed.”
“We´re like super-deep and introspective today, huh?”
“I think that time is important–we can´t waste our session on bullshit.”
I pause; I thought I brought a coffee in today.
“Hey”, I ask as I lean forward, “I thought I had a coffee–there a cafe around?”
“Second floor; last door in the right.”
I get up; I leave the office; I take the digitalelevator to the 2nd floor; I turn left; I walk down the hall; I get a coffee; I turn around and go back to the office; I sit back down in my chair.
“Thanks!”, I say as I take a sip, “that´s much better.”
“That´s good”, he replies as he hits save on his computer, “but now our session is over. See you next Tuesday.”
“Why didn´t you tell me that our time was almost over?”
“Because you had to find out for yourself. Life is a natural progression to develop your sense of self and worth. You have to do it on your own–I gave you space to grow.”
“Um ok?”, I reply as I get up from the chair, “thanks. I guess?”
“I think that you´re like a professional victim.”
I set my taza down; I hate these HAKI interventions.
“I don´t have a problem”, my wife replies as she slams her coffee on the kitchen table.
I pause; this one isn´t going to be easy.
“I think that you need to consider how your actions are effecing everyone around you”, I saw as I pick up my taza and take a sip, “considering the big picture–is an honest assesement of the consequences of your actions and the reputation that you are building. Every action that you do creates a ripple to those around you–you are throwing pebbles into the lake of your life. What is the resultant of your actions?”
“Well I mean”, she replies as she picks up her coffee and takes a sip, “I mean it was just once that I didn´t pick up HR from her after school event.”
“Are you sure?”, I reply as I turn my head to look out the window and then back to her, “I think there is a pattern–I think that is what we are talking about. One incident doesn´t make always; and vice-versa; one moment of care doesn´t make you a caring person or change your reputation–these things take time. You may never be able to recover your reputation–it may be a stink that follows you though your life. It may go where you aren´t and be there already when you arrive. You may have to consider not going back to school after you threw the full cup of coffee at the school mascot and shouted political obscenities out the window of your car.”
She pauses; I think I fucked up big time on this one.
“So how do you think that we should handle it?”, she asks as she leans back in her chair.
“Let it go–the need to control how you perceive people see you. Let go of your need for a reputation–let go of your need to control and attach to the opinions of others. People pleasing is the first sign of fake behavior; double-down on your family that you choose–us. Create a stable foundation of support with me and HR; that will give you the power and control to weather the storms that life throws at you. Stick to your family, and you´ll prob be better off in life–but if you mistreat us or embarass us again?”
“I love you.”
“Obviously”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee, “but you have other concerns at the moment–what is going on in your families life. Spend some time with us and see how we are–awareness of your family through the lens of direct observation. Stop looking at what we are creating or projecting through the digitalwebs–instead see how we are directly–assertive behavior to what you want. Doubtful that the people at the school, are really the audience that you want to support you–internal strife is best handled in-house. Don´t let them see you sweat.”
“Am I sweating?”